1. “We need to invoke discipline. Bring back corporal punishment. Sometimes a child needs a smack in the butt to learn.”
1.
ghosts stir,
a child recoils,
memories embedded
within
howl with fear
emotions misaligned
feelings repressed,
the fear of
being wrong
…again
2.
triggered
where
r
the
heroes?
overcome
3.
desperate politics,
violent reactions
preach:
“enforce discipline”
sick souls
yearn…
dream
for something
…something…
…that never was
4.
fear
the teacher
smacks
students
left…right
up…down
chalk whipped
narrowly
missing eyeballs,
bully rulers slammed
into
unsuspecting backs
“why did you hit me?”
“to keep you in line, laddie!”
I was…in line
retreat within
…retreat
5.
knowledge
is the most
dangerous
weapon
2. “When they took the Lord’s Prayer out of schools, that’s when everything fell apart.”
1.
confessional
secrets
whispered by
“our father”
who art
lurking
behind
the magic
curtain
listen, shhh, listen
it’s in this book
…here,
the bible…
“our” book
the correct book
the book
that proves:
“we are the
chosen ones”
2.
white collar
authority
salesman$ spiel
insidious charisma
penetrating
the innocent
acceptance
of virgin minds
I listen
I listen
truth
is
invisible
3.
vibrant vestments,
transcendent
stained glass light,
bells chime
people rise as one,
throats cleared,
the pipe organ
calls us to service
“Be a New Man,
A new day’s on its way,
Be a New Man,
Your life begins today!”
the child inside
yearned
for the security
of that authority
struggling,
faith escaped,
exploring
searching
seeking,
I found…nothing
struggling,
I retreated
into the
loneliness
…within
4.
Canada’s first prime minister, Sir John A. MacDonald, in 1883: “When the school is on the reserve the child lives with its parents, who are savages; he is surrounded by savages. Indian children should be withdrawn as much as possible from the parental influence.”
nuns surround
the young
“Indian” child
terrified screams,
vibrating rosaries,
soiled crosses,
jesus
penetration
nightmares
return
again, and
again, and
again…
our father?
where
the fuck
art thou!?
5.
silence
a leaf,
fallen
3. “The Sikhs and their….their costumes. Pffft.“
1.
grade 9
(white male)
whispers
darts of hate
to the student
in front
(black male)
(louder than an
e x p l o s i o n )
“nigger, nigger,
hey nigger”
shoulders sag,
the heart
stabbed,
defeated,
hurt, sad
…angry,
…alone…
life becomes
harder,
hateful,
he’s my…friend?
grade 9
(white male)
stops the racist
whispers
he sees
the sagging
shoulders
he feels
the hurt
(does he? / can he?)
this is wrong,
what am I doing
to my…friend?
*this is not me*
this is not
who I want to be
*this is not me*
2.
awareness of
differences
shading of
hatred
behind every
uncomfortable
thought,
every lingering
stare
family history
remains,
grandfather’s
minstrel show
no longer exists
knowledge
humanity
empathy
love
generation by
generation
feed the dream
let it breathe
…make it better…
generation by
generation
3.
a clockwork
(darkness)
racist words
enrage,
remember
the past,
vomit
the words,
expel
the hatred…
expunge, expunge
the seed of hatred
…must die
4. “We need to return to a Christian Society. That’s what this country was founded on.”
1.
a child stares at the hundreds of Knights of Columbus lining the entrance to the Cathedral for his Grandfather’s funeral…red & black regalia dance in the wind…eggshell white gloves grip golden-handled swords shining in the morning sun…every step precise, controlled…no improvisation in death, rigidity…tears roll down, hands awkwardly look for something to do…the words of the priest: half-comforting, half-warning…an orchestrated surreal nightmare…no comfort no comfort…inevitability as tragedy.
so this is death.
so this is death.
2.
the cover-up
“everything’s great!”
beaming smiles
radiate contentment
satisfaction
look how happy
I am!
I’m not a
…failure
I’m happy
the cover-up
stoic pride
is strength,
keep the
tears inside
don’t
rock
the
fucking
boat!
3.
alcohol flows
into gaping
mouths,
desperate to
find this elusive
“happiness”
one more drink
then…
I’ll be happy
I’ll be…
someone else
alcohol flows
into gaping
mouths,
desperate,
desperate to
forget…
4.
images
fly past
glazed eyes,
neon lights
alert the
audience:
“The Show Has Begun!”
wings of
distraction
magnetize
eyes to
their reality,
eyes to
their fantasy
you want more?
you need more!
more, and
more, and
more…
the new gods
suckle
the golden calf
oblivious to the
despair
ready to explode,
ready to
dismantle the
status quo
*
desperates
wander
the desert,
throats parched,
shade extinct,
sand waves
reflect
harsh heat
into peeling
burning skin
desperates
look for
a sign,
or,
at least…
a sip of water?
5.
future? hope?
the audience
sits
…waiting
echoing
silence
…
the stage
empty
Epilogue
the seed of a
new dream
emerges
now
/ waiting is not
…”forever” /
Video
Notes
- This was completed as a poem without thought of recording it. When it was done, I thought it would be cool to record myself reading the poem for the Writings website. At least I’ll have fun. Hey, why not add background music? Better yet – why not do a video for it with new drawings?! 9 minutes and 8 seconds?!
- The quotes at the beginning of each section are from a patron to me while I was working at the library. Her speaking these words to me resulted in this poem. Thank you!
- The poem cycles through corporal punishment, loss of faith Catholic-style, abuse, racism, death, alcohol, distractions, a dystopian future, and…hope?
Written: April, 2019